he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
