Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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