i used baking grease as lip gloss
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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