Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
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