I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
