Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
