Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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