he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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