Barsexuality is the new black.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
