If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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