If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize