Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
