I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
