Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
