I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
