Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
