Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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