If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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