This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
