Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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