Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
