Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
