Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I look better un-naked...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
