TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
