Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
