maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
