I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's shark week go big or go home
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
