After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
