how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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