yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
