The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
