her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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