im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
