I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
