It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
