Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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