Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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