i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
