oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
