I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
