I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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