im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
