She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize