Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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