so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
