I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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