He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
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