guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
