Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize