Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
