I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
