Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
