Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
