Only a mothe r could love this liver
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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