how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
