I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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