I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
