Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
