my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
