can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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