he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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