Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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