Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
