That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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