I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
