i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
