So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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