I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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