I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I understand Curling. That high.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
