He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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