There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
