Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
