you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
