You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my phone needs a breathalizer
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You made out with two different species that night
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
