It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
