Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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