I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The Olympian is in my bed
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
