i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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