I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
