made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
