one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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